Clique
Cactus Russ's WOW
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***DISCLAIMER***
This is my column, and not yours, so if you don’t like what I have to say, that’s too damn bad.  I will not always be nice, and I will not always be politically correct, so if that bothers you, I suggest you just move on.  So if I offend you in any way, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Cactus Russ’s Words of Wisdom
(Vol. 1)  LODs, Old And New
Cactus Russ's Picks Comments:
Song of the Week: The Shiznit by Snoop Doggy Dogg.  Great beat to bump too, and you can never go wrong with Snoop.
Flick of the Week: Three Kings.  Super funny, and Ice Cube is in it.  Ice Cube = God.
Chick of the Week: The chick I went to the back room to search for a copy of Stuart Little for.  Long blonde hair, green eyes, good sized titties.  Very yummy.  When I got the movie from the backroom for her, she said she thinks she loves me (seriously, she did).  I think I coulda waxed that ass right there at the electronic boat if I really wanted to.

Introduction

Hello everyone, and welcome to a new feature on the Target Clique Homepage.  It’s a little something I like to call… Cactus Russ’s Words of Wisdom, and I’ll be bringing it to you on a semi-weekly basis.  It just depends on how soon I think of a good topic to rant about.  So, sit back, relax, and get ready to be amazed by my words of wisdom.

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t agree with me that the current LOD’s at Target suck?  Sure, they do have their good moments.  But those moments are greatly outweighed by bad ones.  Do they just not care?  Are they all just highly unintelligent?  I’d really like to know.  It seems that ever since we’ve lost our old LOD crew work hasn’t been nearly as much fun anymore.

I have many fond memories of days gone by.  I remember nights that I closed with Jay, who was by far one of the coolest LOD’s, in my opinion.  I would talk trash to him about sleeping with his wife, he’d call me Fat Bastard, and we would just have a good time at work.  It’s people like him that made work a not so bad place to be.  And now who do we have running the show?  Let’s take a look at some current and past LOD’s and see why Target sucks ass now.  We’ll start with the new ones.

The NEW LODs

Don:
What can I say about Don?  He tries to be funny… he tries to make Target a nice place to work.  But he is just so miserable with his own life that he takes it out on all of us.  I can understand why he is so miserable.  He lives in freakin Dayton, and drives a two hour round trip to work everyday.  But the question I have to ask is… why?  He is retired from his career… he doesn’t have to work.  Yet he still does.  Which is cool, I understand not liking sitting around the house all day everyday, even though that is my dream.  But why did he go for the top dog job, and not just do something like flow team, where he could work Monday through Friday, and have little or no stress?  It’s just beyond me.  I don’t like Don, and I wish he would just quit.  Or at least get moved to another store.

Karri:
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, that’s for sure.  That’s all I got to say about her.

Linda:
Ok, she is either super nice, or a super bitch.  Pick a personality trait and go with it.  Seriously.  She can be real cool one second… joking about some 80’s rock band, and then getting on the walkie telling us to use “Proper walkie etiquette” when we try to have a little fun the next second.  And just what is proper walkie etiquette?  Maybe she should address this issue with us in the evening huddle.  Of course, we wouldn’t listen to her… but that doesn’t matter.  At least we’d know what the hell she was talking about.

Mike:
Mike is super cool.  I like Mike.  He is funny and easy to get along with.  But… come out of the closet already buddy… the wife and kids don’t hide your secret.  Seriously though… when Eric quit, I was praying Mike would become the new STL.  Of course, my prayers weren’t answered.  Maybe I should stop trash talking Jesus.

Sue:
Sue is cool… she smokes, which is always a plus to me.  I like Sue.  She’s probably my favorite current LOD.

As you can see, I really don’t like Don.  I guess all in all the LOD crew isn’t too bad, but none of them are great.  None of them have that certain something that made Target a good place.  The old LOD’s did.  Let’s take a look at some of them now.

The OLD LODs

Jay:
What can I say… I love Jay.  Jay is all that was good about being an LOD.  He worked hard to make the store good, he pushed us to do our job good, and he had fun the whole time.  I never had a bad night when he was closing.  I could dedicate a whole column to him.  Maybe I’ll save that for a later date.

Alan:
I didn’t like Alan when he first started.  But I got to know him a little better, and he wasn’t a bad guy.  He cared about the store, and he cared about all of us.  And he smoked.  It’s hard for me not to like a fellow smoker.

Mark:
Mark was awesome.  He was real easy to joke around with, and the whole gay thing didn’t bother me at all.  I really miss Mark.  But I guess he’s having a good time up at Middletown with his boyfriend.

Ralph:
When Ralph was here, I wanted to take a lead pipe to his head.  I still do.  Fear me Ralph… fear me.

Conclusion

Well, that just about wraps up my little column here.  What have we learned?  Well… we learned that if you want to score brownie points with The Prickly One  (that would be me… Prickly…Cactus…. Duh) you should start smoking.  We’ve also learned that Ralph still has hell to pay, and that Don is a jackass.  And that a college degree doesn’t necessarily make you smart, i.e. Karri.  I’ll be back soon with more Words of Wisdom.

Until Don and Sue dance the Funky Chicken in TSC during our evening huddles I am…

-Cactus Russ

Coming Next Week...
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